There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
