you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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