Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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