her facebook's as public as her vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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