he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
