His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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