i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
