hotel room ftw
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
