i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
