i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
