I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
