Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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