***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
