just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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