how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize