dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
