you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
