I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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