He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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