He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
