forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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