are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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