weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
