i was rollin on her like bob the builder
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize