I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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