He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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