Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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