I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
