Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
