I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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