I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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