I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize