I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
