and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
