3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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