Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
