I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
