apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
