Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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