And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
