And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ttyl tear gas
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
