I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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