If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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