When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
