Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
