ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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