you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
