Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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