My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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