if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
