Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
