Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
