i would punch a child for taco bell
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My dad is sitting where you rode me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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