I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
