Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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