You smell like a Billy Joel song
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
