God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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