There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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