apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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