Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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