I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
