Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
