Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
