i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
