Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
