I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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