I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
