It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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