Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
