So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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