i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
