More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
