So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
