why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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