Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
