this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
