Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
