I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize