I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
