Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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