Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The struggles of a small town man whore
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
