but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
